So what can I say. I had a revelation today at the race. I realized that things take longer when you get older. Like healing and getting in shape. I am not as fast and agile as I once was. I am not going to heal and bounce right back. Is this a problem? Sure if you think you should still be the athlete you were when you were younger. Let's face it though. I am 36 and I have abused my body in ways no one should. The fact that almost all the guys I ride with are either half my age or in there early 20's is reason enough to throw in the towel. Yes I get my ass handed to me when I go out with these guys. I admire the way their legs work effortlessly and never seem to wear down. I marvel at the fact that an injury to them can heal in half as much time. These guys are fast and strong. Sure it is discouraging at times and you feel like you don't belong or you are that donkey in a class of thoroughbreds. I am just happy that they allow me to ride with them.
I arrived at the race around 9 am to do my pre-ride laps and plan my race strategy. I was one of the first ones to practice. I felt like someone cut off my oxygen. The humidity in the woods was so intense I felt like I was drowning. I could not catch my breath to save my life. I have never had asthma, but I am pretty sure this was how it felt. I just kept pushing. My legs felt great but the lack of oxygen and the heart rate taching a little over 200 bpm, I was flipping out. I finished my first practice lap and went back to my car to get some relief. I settled down and went out for another pre-ride and felt pretty good. So good that I was having fun and I really wanted to just ride. I didn't want to ruin my mood by putting race pressure on me. I met up with my friend Steve and I decided what I needed today was just to relax and have a "fun" ride and watch Steve race. I love to watch others race. Especially Steve. I don't need to be in the spotlight and I actually find greater joy in others moments of glory than my own. Steve's parents were at the race also and other friends of his so what better way to enjoy a perfect day than to hang out with them and watch the race.
After the race was done I wanted to do some more riding. I went off on my own and just rode and did some thinking and occasionally caught myself smiling while no one was looking. I was thinking about how can I become a better racer and how can I enjoy my races more. It really was a simple answer.
I came to my senses on that ride today. I am never going to compete with these 20 years olds and I shouldn't have too. I should just feel blessed that I have the opportunity to ride with them and do my best to keep up. Another racer I know said to me that this is my rebuilding year. This is my year to concentrate on my knee and don;t worry about anything else. Next year will be my year. He is right. I know I have said it is not about the podium. It is not. I do find myself wanting things to be like they were two years ago but at my age, healing takes time.
I only have 4 more races left then my season is over. I am looking forward to spending time training this Winter and concentrating on my other body parts and fitness and not putting all my attention on my knee. I look forward to riding and racing next year and kicking some ass. The young guys keep me hungry and I also believe they make me a better rider and racer. It is not easy riding with them but I am thankful I can at my age. I look forward to concentrating more on downhill next year and using cross country racing as conditioning training. My love is downhill and I have a natural talent for it. I just need to realize that I am older and I can't bounce back like I used too.
It is a bitch getting old, but if you realize your limitations and your capabilities, I think you will be more successful at whatever it is you are doing. Getting old doesn't mean giving up.
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