I find that just because you do not place in a race or event, that does not mean you did not win the race. I headed out to Muscatatuck with my friend Steve, who by the way is a very talented mountain bike racer, to do my race and watch him and enjoy the festivities. I will admit on the way there I was getting nervous. Nervous to the point I was shaking in the car when we were about 5 miles away. Nervousness and intense adrenaline rushes are something that I have always battled. Anxiety ridden if I may say so. This is great for quick, intense downhill races but we are talking a 45 to 60 minute cross country race.
We parked and unloaded the car and bikes and did my usual routine. Pre-rode the course and then watched Steve and his race. My race was coming up and I still was not 100% on racing due to my knee. With 11 minutes until race time I entered.
I tried to calm my nerves at the start line. I was sizing up the competition. They called us to the line and the horn went off. I started in the middle of the pack. I saw 5 guys take off fast and I knew if i didn't want to get caught in the bottle neck traffic upon entering the woods I would have to make a move. I hit the shifters, kicked in the higher gears and smashed the pedals. I hit an outside line in a grassy part and blew past most until I was in 3rd at the entrance of the woods. Once in the woods, I was chasing down two racers who were definitely not beginners. I was wheel sucking them the whole time due to the fast descents in the first part of the course. I knew if I passed them they would just crush me on the climbing. Let's face it, I am a downhiller and not an uphiller. I decided to stay with them to conserve energy.
I lost my ability to climb with some pretty nasty injuries the past two years. Not to mention some unwanted extra baggage due to simpathy donuts this past winter. Most know I injured my knee pretty bad this winter and I am still on the mend and have a ways to go to get back to normal.
The first of the climbs came. I knew this is where I would lose time and position. The two racers in front started to break away. I heard some other racers creeping up behind. Two more racers passed me on the climbs. I started to get that feeling of defeat and the voice of doubt and disappointment were talking to me. I was only about a mile and a half into the race and I was ready to pull out at a break in the woods when I couldn't because of a photographer standing right in the way. I think this was a sign. The photographer was there for a reason. Not to take my picture but to basically tell me to suck it up and don't be a "pussy". I passed him and started another climb and knew this might be torture.
The race went on with me blowing by racers on the descents and then them passing me on the climbs. I knew this was going to be the outline of the race. I started to pass up some CAT 3 women who started the race ahead of ours and saw how they were struggling but still kept going. At one point a racer who passed me on a steep climb recovered on the flat and out of nowhere flipped over the bars. I stopped to make sure he was ok. He was hurting pretty bad. He started to recover and insisted I continue, all the while other racers are passing me. I got back on my bike and hit the pedals. Luckily at this point there were many technical parts and descents and a paved portion that allowed me to pass up racers and make up time.
AWAKENING
I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. I found myself juggling positions in the middle of the race with a four other racers. Instead of a race, it turned into five people having fun and enjoying the same level of suffering I was. I realized that this was not a race for me anymore. I lost sight of why I was doing this race. I was trying to beat everyone. The reality is I could not. I have suffered a severe injury five months prior and happy that I can even race let alone ride a bike according to one Orthopedics predictions.
A moment of clarity hit me and I realized that my goal is just to finish. This would be a great reward for all my hard work to get my knee back and prove the doctors wrong.
I settled down and continued to ride in a group for almost the rest of the race. We were talking to each other, helping each other, laughing, grunting, sweating, sometimes feeling like death. We all had fun. I even had a push from another racer on a very steep climb. He pulled off because he gassed out and as I was passing him on the climb and slowing down, he gave me a push on my back to give me that extra kick. This isn't really accepted in racing and illegal, but who cares, we were there to have fun. I couldn't help but notice even through the torture of the climbs, I had a smile on my face. Each one I conquered was a milestone in proof that all my training I have been doing something right.
We came to the end of the race. A few pulled away on the last climbs. I came out of the woods to the finish line and as I crossed a huge sense of accomplishment and joy hit me. I didn't care about what place i came in or if i was not the fastest rider. I was not going to podium or place in this race. You would say I did not win. Truth is I did win. I won the race. It was my race to be won. I won it. No medal or podium or picture or prize could replace that feeling I had at the finish line. I finished the race and my knee and my body did what I had doubts it could do.
My point is, it is not always about the podium. Race your race. There is always going to be someone out there who is faster, stronger and smarter. Accept this fact and a whole new world will open up. Life should be enjoyed and you should have fun and find that brotherhood or sisterhood like I found during the race. My opponent was adversity and my will to prove to myself that I can do this again. I did.
When I am asked if I won my race this weekend, I tell with a big smile, "Hell Yeah I Did!"
Chris, you better know I am smiling right now. Can't wait to be there for the next race.
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